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Joke of the Day

"Help! I'm 13 and want to get preggo .....but my boyfriend wants Ragu."

" ...Oh the weather outside's delightful, the balance in my account is frightful, what happened to all my dough, I dunno, I dunno, I dunnnnoooooo... "

"A girl tells her parents she's going to major in psychology ""Hey mom! Hey dad! I'm gonna study a real science! PSYCH!"""

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed it's skin Why don't you go behind the screen and slip into something more comfortable then !"

"Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections? Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would."

"secret truth time: ive totally stayed in relationships longer than i shouldve bc i liked his pet more & felt bad leaving it with an asshole"

"Student l: ""Did you know that ghosts are protected by the Constitution?"" Student 2: ""They are?"" Student 1: ""Sure. It's in the Bill of Frights!"""

"Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels. #circuseverydamnday"

"You know who the most popular guy at a nudist colony is? The one who can walk with 2 cups of coffee and a dozen donuts."

"Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line."