105572

Joke of the Day

" ...Oh the weather outside's delightful, the balance in my account is frightful, what happened to all my dough, I dunno, I dunno, I dunnnnoooooo... "

"Why do so few people become botanists? Because of the stigma."

"Whoa whoa, calm the fuck down Swiffer commercials, you're a wet paper towel on a stick."

"If you could pick any superhero name and power, what would they be? My name would be ""Dad"" and my power would be *invisibility*..."

"My friend asked me how I know the smell of a wet dog since I'm a Muslim and can't have one I told him my girlfriend is a Christian."

"Accidentally picked out soothing paint colors and now my panic room is ruined."

"My little Nephew told me this one. What do Trees and Dogs have in common? Bark."

"What is white on the top and black on the bottom? Society."

"Imagine the look on his band's faces when Steve Miller hit them with lyrics claiming people called him Space Cowboy & The Gangster of Love."

"What do Pink Floyd fans and NASCAR driver Kyle Larson have in common? They both love The Wall"