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Joke of the Day

"Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line."

"Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That shit hurt."

"Why is a good hooker like a skilled carpenter? No wood gets wasted."

"If a guy calls Life Alert and says ""Help I can't get up!!"" Does he have ED or can he really not get up??"

"If you have sex on a boat... ...is that off-shore drilling?"

"What vegetable likes to party? A turn-up"

"Why couldn't the blind black man play hockey? Because he was black."

"Whole Foods on Sunday is just a refugee camp for people with too much money."

"I had a delicacy last night, young Wookie steak... ...it was a little Chewie."

"So if Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was the Lamb of God... ... Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?"