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Joke of the Day

"Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections? Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would."

"What did one cancer cell say to the other cancer cell ? Let's go get Jobs."

"I am the King of the Universe and I have a son and he occasionally appears on grilled-cheese sandwiches. #yup"

"Why do people carry umbrellas? Because umbrellas cant walk."

"The Honorable Judge Matthew McConaughey enters the court room All rise all rise all rise."

"Do you NOT like Undertale? Then you must be UNDER the crowd!"

"What type of wrists are the scariest? Terror wrists."

"This guy just rubbed up against me so hard in line at Starbucks now I know what an altar boy feels like."

"If you wear a ship's captain's hat around, people will just do what you say. I run a Starbucks, a Target, a submarine, and two street gangs."

"Why didn't the Jewish Boy Scout come home? He went to the wrong camp. Bonus: I'm a Jewish Boy Scout"