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Joke of the Day

"Want a pudding pop? I don't give a fuck if you want it or not. Stop crying. You're gonna take this motherfucking pudding pop."

"I feel like rock jokes are taken for granite not very many pebble appreciate them."

"What do you call a 30 foot purple dinosaur named Fred who has acne and is scared of penguins? Fred."

"To limit my smoking... I only smoke on days that start with 'T'... like Tuesday, Thursday, today, and tomorrow."

"Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Mars has 2 moons. Venus has no moons. Do you see where I'm getting at? Men, GIVE BACK OUR MOON!"

"I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend and re-wire the toaster. She was shocked."

"A Dumb blonde is pulled over by a cop... He says: You were going 95km/h. The dumb blonde responds: but I haven't been driving for an hour."

"How does any girl have less than 90 thousand Instagram followers?"

"My ratt bit me yesterday. I guess you could say we had a lack of communication."

"How'd you get a black eye? Walked into a door. [Later, another shiner] More doors? *nods* One does not simply walk into more doors."