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Joke of the Day

"Two cows standing in a field... One cow looks at the other and says ""Moo"", the other cow says ""Fuck I was just about to say that""."

"A man stopped breathing today at a bar... A lady then screamed out ""ANYBODY KNOW CPR"" I yelled back. ""I know the whole damm alphabet!"" Everyone Laughed... Well except 1 guy..."

"A philosopher says to the linguist... ""What if, instead of periods, woman had apostrophes?"" The linguist replied, ""They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions."""

"How does Hitler tie his shoes? With Nazi's"

"Pushed too hard against my eardrum with a Q-tip and reset my brain."

"Look, mom, we can keep arguing about whether or not 28 is too old to live your parents but it's not gonna help us find my iguana any faster."

"In truth, spiders are harmless* *Save for a few species whose venom reprograms your immune system to tell your body to eat its own organs."

"I've been using medical marijuana for my bladder issues... My doctor told me to piss or get off the pot."

"What's it called when you're sucking in your stomach but it looks like you're not?"

"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity I just can't put it down"