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Joke of the Day

"What do Coors Light and sex in a canoe have in common? They're both fucking close to water."

"I'm an optimistic pessimist... I see the glass as half empty, but there are free refills"

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A hippo is very large and heavy, and a zippo is just a little lighter."

"Laughter is the best medicine Dad used to say laughter was the best medicine I guess that's why some of us died of tuberculosis."

"Its good to die like my grandfather, painlessly in his sleep. Its bad to die in a terrible accident, like the passengers on his bus."

"What does The Lion King have a lot of? Simbalism"

"How did the swordsman annoy r/jokes? He feinted. (Sorry)"

"Jack and the beanstalk Does everybody know the guy in Jack and The Beanstalk who trades the magic beans for Jacks cow? Cause I guess you could call him a Stalk Broker"

"Waiter: how did you two meet Me: this is actually a blind date W: *much louder* SORRY I SAID HOW DID YOU TWO MEET"

"Hillary Clinton is like an art history major, old and useless."