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Joke of the Day

"Beyonce's hair is always blowing because she has so many fans"

"I could probably kill this woman, serve my prison sentence, come back here and buy my diet coke before she finishes writing her check."

"My new bondage equipment really ties the room together."

"At trial, a Volkswagen engineer is called to the stand to explain why they participated in the 'clean diesel' debacle. He claims he is not guilty. He said he was just following...odors."

"What's the best thing about having Parkinson's? Never having to buy another electric toothbrush."

"I joke a lot about how horrible my wife and kid are, but in reality you should know that it's not funny at all and it really sucks for me."

"People who push and shove to get on a flight before other passengers are possibly going to get to their end destination one second faster."

"I went to a feminist picknick today... ...it was great, apart from the fact that no-one made any sandwiches."

"maybe she's born with it, maybe it's compulsive engagement in pleasurable habits despite their negative consequences"

"In an interview Barbara Walters asks OJ Simpson if he thinks he will ever be married again... He says, ""I don't know... One of these days, I might take another stab at it."""