150230

Joke of the Day

"What kind of people have the most beautiful eyes? Beekeepers. Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder."

"Every Red Hot Chili Peppers song has a part where it sounds like they're trying to guess words for a crossword puzzle."

"Why did the marble countertop leave the kitchen? It was tired of being taken for granite."

"Q: What's one thing everybody sees in a blonde? A: A dick."

"What do you call a man with no shins? Toe-Knee"

"A group of ventriloquists was murdered yesterday. Their screams were heard a mile away."

"Ugh Starbucks spelled my name right again and now I have nothing to Instagram."

"I've asked a flight attendant to change my seat because of crying baby next to me It turns out you can't do that if baby is yours."

"July 5th, 1776: The day the British drunk-texted America and said they still loved them."

"Whats the best part of having sex with a transvestite? Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through."