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Joke of the Day

"Life is like a box of chocolates.... it doesn't last as long for fat people."

"Why do people go to bed? Because the bed won't come to them."

"It's like my nana always used to say: If you really hate him that much, just marry him and then get fat."

"Even though I know its wrong. I don't know whats right... Damn math problems!"

"Don't you hate when somebody gives you the finger in traffic and then you have to follow them home and loosen the lug nuts on their wheels."

"Fave bit of the Breaking Bad finale is when Ross is like ""DID SHE GET OFF THE METH?"" and then Rachel shows up and says ""I got off the meth."""

"I have a real super power of stopping bullets with my face... once."

"I saw a guy with down syndrome buying a pair of jeans today. I thought to myself, ""What a greedy bastard, haven't you got enough already?"""

"What beer does Sean Connery drink? Grols"

"They hired another Russian guy at my work He seems to think everything that Ukrainian guy tells him is so obvious."