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Joke of the Day

"MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend dear. Fall down when she hits you."

"Man bumps into my shoulder ""You're lucky this isn't the Internet pal"""

"What do you call a person of Irish and Asian descent? Rice Paddy. - Edit: Credit goes to my nickname from some clever fucker classmate when I was a kid."

"#BREAKING Oscar Pistorius has today made a plea for clemency ahead of his sentencing in April Mr Pistorius claims he is not the first bloke to come home legless and put a few loads into his missus."

"Ever since I joined a French pedophilia group.. (Xpost r/imgoingtohellforthis) I've been on Claude, nine."

"My pick-up line used to be ""Hey babe, I'm a hotspot. Wanna log-on""? doesn't work anymore, now they just yell at me ""fuck off you homeless begger""."

"What should I give your sister for unzipping? ...... Him : Um, ten bucks? Me : Like for WinZip. PS: Taken from bash.org"

"The priest said that the demon really wants to leave, but I'm way too clingy, so the exorcism didn't work."

"Dear England, Now you know what it feels like when you're out of Europe against your will. Scotland."

"It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am."