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Joke of the Day

"Apparently UFC is not Ultimate Fried Chicken and now I'm even hungrier watching huge greased up men touch each other inappropriately."

"After I undress you with my eyes I redress you with my eyes because it's still January so it's super cold out and I have considerate eyes."

"If only people were named after their tattoo's. This guy standing in front of me in Petro Canada Would be named Machine gun-Snake-Jesus."

"Hillary and Trump in a plane, plane crashes. Who survives? America"

"Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby."

"So sorry... Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say... Unless you're Chinese, then it's ""squirrel""."

"Wedding rehearsals, because ruining your life takes practice."

"What did the closed can say to the half opened can? YOU'RE BEING UNCANNY!"

"[sliding $5 to the zookeeper] Maybe one of those penguins ends up in my car?"

"How do you call Niggeria leaving EU? blackout"