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Joke of the Day

"After I undress you with my eyes I redress you with my eyes because it's still January so it's super cold out and I have considerate eyes."

"I used to speak in Fleetwood Mac quotes, but I stopped... ...and I'm never going back again."

"Mall walkers: never has anyone taken so seriously something that's so seriously ridiculous."

"What do you call a bear's dick? a weenner the pooh"

"My girlfriend of 8 years recently told me she used to be a man This actually itsn't a joke I just had to get it off my chest. I'm heartbroken, what should I do?"

"Whats the difference between a Pygmy and an Amazon? Well, the Pygmy is a cunning runt..."

"When I'm empty-handed my dog doesn't know what the word 'sit' means, but if I have a treat she can perform neurosurgery."

"Why did the riot police show up early to the protest? They wanted to beat the crowd."

"Ever notice Santa brings way nicer shit to rich kids than poor kids? Hey kids ,maybe it's time to do a little Christmas critical thinking."

"Why did Mario always bring Toad to parties? Toad was a fungi."