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Joke of the Day

"To the additional pot that was on the stove after I thought I was done washing the dishes, I hate your stinkin' guts."

"How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? 4. 1 to hold the bulb and 3 to drink until the room spins."

"I can only handle girls that are a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, or 10 on the hotness scale. Cause 7 ate 9 so they're probably not interested in me."

"My kids have already agreed to have me frozen. I just wish they'd wait until I'm dead."

"A racist, a sexist, a homophobe, and a idiot walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and smiles. ""Welcome back, Mr. Trump!"" he says."

"It's all fun and games until Canada is in charge of the fun and games."

"There's no ""creative"" way to arrange 29 sponsor logos. Let it go, walkathon t-shirt designer."

"My dance moves are so white Charlie Sheen tried to snort them."

"Whenever fat people tell you they are on a diet, it just means they started dabbing their pizza with a napkin to get some of the grease off."

"I got this amazing girl's number at work today See you later Jane Doe 522/16!"