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Joke of the Day

"Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf? A: Depends on how many were photographed."

"Your momma's so ugly... ... that on Halloween, the kids give their candy to *her*!"

"How many light bulbs did it take to screw a human? None, there not too bright with doing anything except showing us where to go when were lost in the dark"

"If I had a nickel for every GEICO commercial I've ever seen, I could buy us all car insurance."

"*walks up to cute teller at bank* Me: you wanna grab lunch some time? T: sir, I've seen your balance. M: yea, I was hoping you'd buy."

"My friend just just dumped a funeral director she was dating. She said he was a real stiff."

"Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?"

"RaidTM: For when you don't want to kill ants, but want to make them late for something."

"did you hear about the canadian who stole gold? It was a buttload, too!"

"if there were a zombie apocalypse i'd save a lot of kids but it would be only because i'd need them later to feed zombies so i can run away"