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Joke of the Day
"If I had a nickel for every GEICO commercial I've ever seen, I could buy us all car insurance."
Next Joke
"Talk shit about Billy Joel to me & you'll get BLOCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCKED. You oughta know by now."
"My sex life is like a Bond villain... Goldfinger"
"Slow and steady wins the race, unless it's one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed."
"I put an ad in Craigslist for a muscular blonde with strong arms, excessive body hair and a thick British accent so I'm dating Madonna now."
"Which flavor ice cream is Dracula's favorite? Vein-illa."
"What is the worst part about having sex with an old woman? Ever open a grilled cheese sandwich?"
"I hate it when crazy people say Poseidon told them they are the ninja turtles and I don't even remember I told them so."
"Home Alone is my favorite movie about the inevitable homicidal tendencies that come from prolonged neglect."
"Did you guys hear about the 4 car accident in Mexico? ...94 people died."