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Joke of the Day

"Me: My flight was canceled so I won't be home until tomorrow. Her: but you said you were just going out for milk."

"I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges. We called him Martin Loofah King."

"Why is it that in girls tampons commercials they're always laughing and dancing? Shouldn't they be revving chainsaws and burning stuff down?"

"If you play the ""Strawberry Fields Forever"" record backwards, you can quietly hear your roommate saying, ""Get a job, Megan."""

"How do Harry Potter fans flirt? Hey baby, mind if I *Slytherin* ? ;)"

"What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You can't dip a vampire in your tea."

"Why is it bad to have a strong American dollar? It's harder to break bills."

"I think Samsung has messed up with my new phone's shipment. I had booked a Galaxy Note ''S7'', not C4."

"Danny DeVito... Danny DeVito is 70 years old, but he's had a short life."

"New, cuter name I came up with for dog shit: ""Snoopy poopy. """