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Joke of the Day

"Dear bill collectors, if you want me to answer the phone, instead of ""no caller ID"" try something like ""free shoes"""

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He sipped his coffee before it was cool"

"I hope no one I know ever has an emergency that they can't text me about. Because, answering my phone? No thanks."

"What do truck drivers and porn stars have in common? They both get paid by the load."

"I saw a black man carrying a TV... so I was worried that mine had been stolen, but when I got home I found it was still mowing the lawn."

"So, being a mirror inspector... ...is a job I could really see myself doing."

"What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire? Arrr son!"

"hello poison control. i need some poison asap, my kid is being a real piece of shit. yes i'll hold."

"I put on my pants just like you, reluctantly, when the doorbell rings."

"That show the amazing race..... Is that about white people? Zach Galifianakis"