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Joke of the Day

"I hope no one I know ever has an emergency that they can't text me about. Because, answering my phone? No thanks."

"What would you call Martin Luther king Jr if he was white? Alive."

"What's the worst part of getting hit in the face with pie? It's never ending."

"My wife made me pack my own bag for vacation and now I have to figure out how to wear potato chips."

"Pedophile pulls up next to a kid and says ""Hey little boy, come in my car and I'll give you a lollie"" kid says ... ""Give me the whole bag and I'll come in your mouth"""

"What's the most popular Russian streaming service? Nyetflix"

"I was in the mall the other day, and suddenly I found myself on the top floor ""Boy"", I thought to myself, ""that sure escalated quickly"""

"What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium -old but good"

"What's the hardest part of skydiving? The ground!"

"If life was fair, Ryan Gosling would have been born with Ray Romano's voice."