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Joke of the Day

"Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby."

"I come from a mixed race family... My father prefers the 100 metres...and my mother is Pakistani."

"I have the body of a 25-year-old girl, a 25-year-old who has recently been eaten by a 40-year-old bear."

"I got the most classic, timeless Christmas present this year A broken watch"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face. credit to /u/crashdemon."

"So scientists have invented a way to turn dolphins nearly invisible It's pretty neat, but I don't really see the porpoise."

"Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre"

"What Roman dictator suffered from Epilepsy? Julius Seizure."

"Senate: Red House: Red Supreme Court: Red President: Orange"

"My life selling houses by Con Allday"