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Joke of the Day

"Never answer knocking at your door. It's always people. Always. Never giant chocolate bars. Only people."

"Is athlete's foot [gulp] fatal, doc? ""Not with the proper treatment."" *gives foot $56M 7-year contract*"

"Wayne LaPierre, head of the NRA, gets on a podium and encourages all black men in America to buy guns to protect themselves from white guys with guns. Just kidding."

"I was raping a women may night when.., She said think of her children Kinky bitch!"

"...and then the whiskey whispered ""You should totally tell her about what your ex used to do to you in bed."""

"ME (tousling his hair): You got a girlfriend? 8 YEAR-OLD: Yeah ME (grabbing him by the collar): How. How did you do it"

"How do you find a blind man at a nude beach. It's not hard"

"Boss: ""You're not suppose to be drinking on the job!"" Me: ""You're not suppose to cheat on your wife."" Boss: ""Keep up the good work sir."""

"""Lady In Red"" is my favorite song about a guy that's trying to get laid even though he can't remember her goddamn name."

"Dear GPS, Please add an, ""avoid ghetto"" option. Sincerely, Scared"