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Joke of the Day

"""Lady In Red"" is my favorite song about a guy that's trying to get laid even though he can't remember her goddamn name."

"What do you call a police officer that shoots black people? A police officer in America."

"You have 90,000 followers, follow 92,000, and all you tweet are @s thanking people for following back. Are you raising an army for Mordor?"

"I just woke up from a 13month coma Just in time to see my wife give birth"

"My Ex Girl Friend: you need to move on and forget about me. Me: how can I forget you when every time I go outside things remind me of you like garbage bins and dog shit."

"How many Vietnam Vets does it take to change a light bulb? What, you don't know? Well I guess you weren't FUCKING THERE, MAN!"

"Yo mama is so black when she went outside the street lights turned on!"

"Did you hear about the gay turtle? Finally came out of it's shell."

"Remember the game where you would take turns yelling, ""Penis!"" in public? Life was so simple before 9/11."

"Big thanks to all the women out there who pretend that scrotums aren't super weird."