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Joke of the Day

"5 out of 5 coworkers think I should be wearing pants. All of them are from HR though, and who knew they could get to my cubicle that fast."

"I hate how my job always expects me to show up."

"If you are naughty... Santa gives you something hard and black"

"I am not fat I'm just making a very successful recovery from anorexia."

"I'm not saying your cat doesn't care about you, I'm saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well"

"Noah's Ark was so unrealistic. Have you ever tried to pen up velociraptors? Did the guy who wrote the Bible even watch Jurassic Park first?"

"You know before Facebook, I use to call up 435 friends of mine everyday... just to tell them how much I hate my work and how much I love getting stoned.'"

"Today I broke my personal best record of most consecutive days alive."

"What did Stephen Hawking name his new hair salon The Curl Up and Dye"

"What is the most expensive type of prostitute? Whoreganic"