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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying your cat doesn't care about you, I'm saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well"

"I finally got hired at the local adult store First day on the job I got a raise!"

"I ate a vegetable... And she liked it so much she woke up."

"Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first."

"Gemini: You may find yourself wondering if you're dreaming or not. A simple test is to punch a cop in the face."

"Sorry I yelled ""chug it"" to your baby, as you were breastfeeding."

"Ice cream van accidents are very rare... But unfortunately, they always result in the loss of hundreds and thousands."

"How do you turn an airliner into a boat? #**Allahu Ackbar!**"

"Legally your grocery store can't stop me from tapping on the canned goods and declaring which ones are ripe or not."

"#ItsTheEndOfTheWorldAnd I'm going to run with scissors and swim immediately after eating!!!"