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Joke of the Day
"I hate how my job always expects me to show up."
Next Joke
"Philosophers have really good depth perception!"
"Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couplesfight and read high quality humor columns? To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight."
"*Dentist's waiting room* *Trying to make conversation with other patient* So... I guess you have teeth, too?"
"911: What is your emergency. M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she's smiling. Please hurry."
"*I come downstairs to see my dog has eaten my dinner off the counter* Dude, I said I was sorry for eating yours."
"A man enters the drum section of a music store.. Shopkeeper: ""Sir, you can play here for a while, but then I've gotta ask you to beat it."""
"How does a feminist screw in a light bulb? She doesn't, she just holds it in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her."
"The best things in life aren't things."
"During sex it's perfectly fine to say 'yeah', 'yes', 'oh yes'..but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming 'Yep' .."