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Joke of the Day

"My stalker sucks. She needs to try harder. I always have to keep going & finding her. It's like I'm following HER around. It's ridiculous."

"I love to view /r/gonewild albums in reverse and watch lonely women regain their dignity."

"This girl was banging on my door all night Eventually i had to let her out."

"What do you get when you put 50 Politicians in a room with 50 lesbians? 100 cunts that don't do dick."

"Nine months from now we'll have an adorable, pooping reminder of The Night the Internet Wasn't Working."

"Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life Her follow up 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out next month."

"What's lil Wayne's favorite pizza? Lil seizure"

"Asians are so bad at driving That I think Pearl harbour was an accident."

"Do you know the difference between lunch and a blowjob? You don't??? We should have lunch sometime!"

"I asked my wife what would be the best way to get rid of our son's hiccups. She said, ""Stick on your priest costume."""