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Joke of the Day
"Americans should be asking Santa for better presidential candidates and nothing else."
Next Joke
"Once again the award for the most stupid act ever was given to a man who glued his hands to the bars on a treadmill. That's two years running now."
"Eating at this new Hitler-themed breakfast place, Luftwaffles."
"A feminist walks into a bar Just kidding she couldn't fit through the doorway"
"This year, measuring your accomplishments against Lindsay Lohan's will ensure you feel like a winner merely for avoiding the penal system."
"Mind: Does a flying dream sound good tonight? Me: Yea! Mind: Horrific shadow demon it is. Me: But I thought-? Mind: Don't worry, it can fly."
"Where do you find 100 fat cows? At bingo"
"When I was born I was given two choices: The first was to have a perfect memory, and the other was to have a huge penis. Unfortunately, I can't remember which one I chose."
"Life is like a box of chocolates It doesn't last as long for fat people."
"They should make fortune cookies with more obtainable fortunes: You will vacuum the living room. You will run into the coffee table."