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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an anarchist grandmother who just found out she's pregnant? Rebel without a menopause."

"Why wont Apple ever make a car? Because it can't have windows in it!!!!"

"At the Olympics a man walked up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole. ""Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"" ""Nein, I am German, but how did you know my name ist Walter?"""

"It was so cold out this morning... ...that I saw a lawyer sticking his hands in his *own* pockets."

"How do they call women that don't suck dick? They don't call them at all."

"First monster: That pretty girl over there just rolled her eyes at me. Second monster: Well you'd better roll them back to her she might need them."

"How is Liam Neeson and an ionic bond alike? They are always having something get taken."

"I gave my number to a really hot girl at the bar and told her to text me when she got home. She must have been homeless."

"*Invents silent snack packages. *Becomes president of the United States."

"My new baby is the image of his father. Never mind. just so long as he's healthy."