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Joke of the Day

"*Invents silent snack packages. *Becomes president of the United States."

"[first time having sex] Me: are u sure u aren't too drunk? Couch cushion: ...."

"Is that a Higgs boson in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"""conference"" comes from the Latin ""con"" meaning ""together with"" and ""ference"" meaning ""the worst people on earth"""

"If you love something, set it free... Except if 'It' is a man. Because he'll get lost, and won't ask for directions."

"I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout."

"What happened when the teacher fell in the copier? She was beside herself."

"What has 200 teeth and holds back Godzilla? My zipper"

"Did you hear about the psychic midget that escaped from jail? Headline read: Small Medium at Large"

"According to the Internet: Xbox One - $500. - Weaker hardware. - Mandatory daily check-in. - Requires Kinect. - DRM. PS4 - Cures cancer."