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Joke of the Day

"Everyday I get at least 3 people who follow me and then immediately delete their accounts. proposed theory: My tweets kill people."

"What did the boy say when he had trouble using glue? I'm stuck."

"Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster... Now it just doesn't work."

"Facebook sent me a notification....unfortunately, my meth lab on Farmville blew up."

"Why should you always wear underwear in Ukraine? Otherwise Chernobyl Fallout."

"I know you shouldn't text and drive but I've only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive."

"What Do You Call A Fight Between An Illegal Immigrant And A Child Molester? Alien vs. Predator"

"Can February march? No, but April may."

"Two fish in a tank. [x-post from r/Jokes] One asks: How do you drive this thing?"

"My friend seemed pretty offended when I implied that he might have stolen one if my Harry Potter trading cards. I think he took ""Umbridge""."