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Joke of the Day
"What's the difference between the mailman and the priest? The mailman doesn't come on Sunday."
Next Joke
"I'm thinking of something really stupid to tweet -all of us all the time"
"If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either."
"What's long hard and has semen in it? A submarine!"
"Wife: The zoo called Me: [wearing hat made out of live lemurs] they say what they want?"
"Today it's National Take Off Your Cap Day Hats off to whoever founded it."
"What does a condom and a wife have in common? They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick"
"I only date men who have cats because they've been pre-trained to try and figure out what you want if you just stare at them long enough."
"Reporter: Doctor, what motivates you to care for coma patients? Me: Well, I'm just here *puts cap on Sharpie* to put smiles on their faces"
"Wearing shades inside makes me look cool, right? *Trips over the cat*"