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Joke of the Day

"And the lord said take this all of you and eat it, this is my body which will be given up for you"" and Gordon Ramsay replied ""bland, dry, and tasteless."""

"KIDNAPPER: [on phone] I'm holding your son for ransom. DAD: I have no money, what's the ransom? KIDNAPPER: Bring me one rich kid."

"Don't have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I'm close to my destination"

"Everyone in LA is so hot and I am so not that when I walk into places they think I'm a dog and they give me treats & water never been better"

"What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? fitting in"

"Tom Brady got punished more than Ray Rice because he beat a whole team"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He died."

"It just seems crazy that the final apocalypse could be started by a guy who says ""You're fired"" every time he launches a nuke."

"I think my wife is overdoing her lent observance. She won't even toss my salad."

"Because of the disregard towards safety techniques people not only die but are also born."