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Joke of the Day

"And the lord said take this all of you and eat it, this is my body which will be given up for you"" and Gordon Ramsay replied ""bland, dry, and tasteless."""

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I have never paid $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Why can't you fight an accountant ? They'll always out number you!"

"What has caused Caitlyn Jenner to put on weight? Trans fats."

"When life gives you lemons Drink the kool-aide"

"Talking about your ex makes it sound like you're not over them. Hide their body and move on like a normal person."

"Did you hear about the two melons that are having trouble getting a divorce? The judge said they cantaloupe."

"Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell into a mud puddle! ............ And then another horse started having sex with it."

"Don't tell me you're fat because obesity runs in your family... Not a damn thing has ever run in your family."

"My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists."