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Joke of the Day

"I just started the tequila diet and I'm making great progress! I've already lost 2 days!"

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"I thought a drone was the sound women make when you're trying to watch the game?"
"As the anesthetic knocks you out, your surgeon washes his hands and misses a really easy shot into the garbage with the paper towel."
"Woke up in a graveyard. Never felt more alive."
"When co-workers ask if the photos on my desk are my kids, I like to say, ""No, they're Dan's from accounting. But they're so cute!"""
"[At job interview] Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job. Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money."
"I have now been sober for eighteen months. Not in a row..."
"best Attitude to follow in Life Imagine that you are already dead. This way, whatever u get in life is always a profit for u."
"What is the difference between a duck? Only one of them is syntactically incorrect."
"What do you call math that gives you PTSD? Triggernometry"