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Joke of the Day

"Hipster fire department unable to make building cool."

"Airline just told my GF she has too much baggage & they've only known her a couple of minutes."

"I've ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child."

"Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris."

"A guy walks into a bar with a bit of asphalt. He walks up to the bar tender and says 'I'll have a beer and one for the road'."

"I made a movie about freezing time I showed it to some people, but they thought it was just a picture. It's 3 hours and 27 minutes long...if you don't pause"

"Why does lanolin oil smell exactly like cow semen? don't ask me!"

"I almost bought a 5 pound bag of mini-eggs at costco. Then I saw the 10 pound bag."

"Saw a man at the beach yelling ""HELP! SHARK! HELP!!!"" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"Hi electron, will you be at home tonight? Probably."