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Joke of the Day

"Saw a man at the beach yelling ""HELP! SHARK! HELP!!!"" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"I heard a Freudian slip once... He broke both his arms."

"The human soul weighs 1.2lbs... I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into work."

"A vegan, an atheist and a reformed ex-smoker walk into a bar. Everyone else in the bar leaves."

"- We buried my mother-in-law yesterday. - Sorry to hear that. When did she die? - My guess would be sometime this morning."

"Why doesn't Santa have any children? He only comes once a year and it's down a chimney."

"What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuckup cunts"

"WIFE: He thinks he's a news anchor DOCTOR: Is this true ME: [stacking papers & talking inaudibly as the camera zooms out]"

"What's the cruelest curse to wish upon a single guy? ""I wish his hands were made of stone."""

"SACAJAWEA WAS THE ORIGINAL GOOGLE MAPS"