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Joke of the Day

"I made a movie about freezing time I showed it to some people, but they thought it was just a picture. It's 3 hours and 27 minutes long...if you don't pause"

"A dyslexic person walks into a bar I on the other hand am not dyslexic and am not one to frequent drinking holes. Also I suck at jokes."

"I think my wife is overdoing her lent observance. She won't even toss my salad."

"Me: ""I want to go on a diet."" Food: ""LOL no."""

"The Three Laws of Secure Computing 1) Don't buy a computer. 2) If you do buy a computer don't plug it in. 3) If you do plug it in sell it and return to step 1."

"A farmer puts his sick pig into a cold saltwater bath. Needless to say, the pig was cured."

"My wife said she was hungry and told me to order food... So I got us a hooker cuz I heard great things about their seafood buffet."

"""And what do your parents do?"" BABY COW: Well, my mom is basically a vending machine and my dad is hamburgers"

"Mayweather is dyslexic, He's supposed to punch his opponent and hug his wife."

"What do the NFL and Jail have in common? You go in as a Tight End and leave as a Wide Receiver."