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Joke of the Day

"Can someone come to my house and tie me to my toilet? I keep falling off. I shit, you knot."

"A man comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his girlfriend... She says ""I guess I'll have to spread my legs now"" And he replies ""Why, don't you have a vase?"""

"A man walks into a library and asks for a book on shit punchlines. The librarian directs him to the correct section."

"When I sing with my headphones in I think, ""Why don't I have a record deal?!""...Then I take them out and I know why."

"We're expecting 12 inches tomorrow night. Well played, Black History Month. Well played."

"If a threesome with two guys and a girl is called a ""manwich"", what do you call a threesome with two girls and a guy? Vaggie burger."

"What's the fastest way to kill millions? Just swallow."

"After hearing Kim and Kanye are having a kid via in vitro fertilization... Of course Kanye picked the option where he could have sex with himself and still have a kid."

"""I really thought by now we'd all have robots,"" he wrote, typing on a small device containing the sum of the world's knowledge."

"R niggers 2 gay 4 u? How many jews can you fit in a volswagnon? 2 in the front,2 in the bak, and none in the ashtray because the holocaust didn't happen,"