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Joke of the Day

"We're expecting 12 inches tomorrow night. Well played, Black History Month. Well played."

"Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos."

"[text] ""Just saw this! I'd love to go to dinner!"" Him: That was 3 years ago, I have a wife & kid now. ""Bring 'em! Sister Wives is my jam!"""

"Putting juice in the fridge is fine but put it in the oven and you're literally Hitler"

"Me: I got my first TOTD! It's exciting! Him: What's that? M: um, well, it's an imaginary trophy... H: well then I'm imaginary proud of you."

"My girlfriend and I had a threeso last night... It's like a threesome but it didn't include me."

"Which programming language got a sex change? Fortranny"

"""Ohhhh!! I didn't hear the 'lasting more than four hours' part. I'm sorry I called you at home, doctor."""

"Whats the best thing about having sex with a pregnant woman? You get pussy and head at the same time."

"What do you get from a drunk chicken ? Scotch eggs !"