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Joke of the Day

"""son, I've had to throw my golf socks out"" ""Why dad? cos you got... A HOLE IN ONE? HAHA"" ""No son. I killed a man. They're covered in blood"""

"When someone says ""everything happens for a reason,"" I stab them and laugh, just so they know I understand."

"Some of your behaviour is completely embarrassing but highly entertaining. Carry on."

"Your password must contain an upper and lower case letter, two numbers and a bunch of symbols that look like comic strip swearing."

"Why does Donald Trump dislike Bernie Sanders? Chickens tend to avoid anything with the last name ""Sanders""."

"How many Ellen Paos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The mods do that for her."

"A Polish guy goes for eye test. Doctor points towards the last line on Eye Test Chart, S I S Z T R Z T O W S K I Doctor, ""Can you read that?"" Polish guy, "" Read that? I fucking know that guy!!!"""

"What's six inches and not getting sucked today Whitney Houston's crackpipe"

"What's the difference between a Unicorn and a cop who treats black people fairly? Nothing; they both don't exist."

"In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly. The remaining 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand."