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Joke of the Day

"[at seance] Me: If you truly are a ghost why don't you move this object Ghost: If you truly are a human why don't you get your shit together"

"They'll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that's been open for more than 2 years."

"What is the title of a show where children pawn items? Child Pawnography"

"I'm helping the sharks celebrate their big week by throwing cats into the ocean."

"Turn off autocorrect? Challinje aceptid."

"What do you call a redditor in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile"

"Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door... ...but apparently his girlfriend was dead against it."

"When I started doing stand-up, I didn't have a lot of my own material, so I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes I still do, but I used to too."

"There's 20 letters in the English alphabet. Oh, wait! I forgot U, R, A, Q, T That's still only 25 but you'll get the D later."

"Man this clown thing is really getting out of control there are even 2 clowns running for president ."