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Joke of the Day

"Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door... ...but apparently his girlfriend was dead against it."

"what do you call a turtle dressed as a guido a slowbro"

"Imagine my surprise at the school Thanksgiving ""costume"" party, when I showed up as Poison Ivy and everyone else was dressed as pilgrims."

"Everyone buries their problems in different ways. I bury them alive because killing people is wrong."

"People always demand to know who farted as if they'll decide how disgusted to be based on who's responsible."

"So I went to a production about puns today... ...it was basically just a play, on words."

"Why do people from Finland who lack passports never win? ...they can't cross the Finnish line!"

"[Olive Garden] PATRON: there are so many types of pasta WAITER: [required to say this] yes...*clenches teeth* the pastabilities are endless"

"Hospitals make mistakes with newborns, so before bringing yours home, check by rubbing its belly. If it curls in and bites you, that's a cat"

"I'm really into Chomsky, Noam sayin'?"