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Joke of the Day

"Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas."

"Lawyer: did your boyfriend commit the crime? Girlfriend: honey he can't even commit to this relationship Entire jury: OH SNAP"

"HAD LOTS OF ESPRESSO. TWEETING FROM THE MOON. I LIVE HERE NOW. IT IS NOT MADE OUT OF CHEESE. 1 OUT OF 5 STARS: NOT RECOMMENDED"

"fun prank: text a girl ""we need to talk right now"" and then throw your phone into a river"

"A ""racist rapist"" sounds worse than a regular rapist when u first hear it, but it's actually better cause less people get raped."

"I've got 99 problems and they're all luftballons."

"Looking forward to the time when my level of awkwardness becomes socially acceptable."

"What's the difference between America and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture."

"What is the difference between the deflate gate controversy and my wife? Only one shows an interest in the balls."

"The Supreme Court is really just a regular court with tomatoes and sour cream."