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Joke of the Day

"HAD LOTS OF ESPRESSO. TWEETING FROM THE MOON. I LIVE HERE NOW. IT IS NOT MADE OUT OF CHEESE. 1 OUT OF 5 STARS: NOT RECOMMENDED"

"Pretty proud that after all these years I still have the body of a 22 yr old triathlete. In my storage shed."

"Thank god I have the newest, fastest iPhone so I can mindlessly check the same three apps 500 times a day."

"What does a shaved otter look like? Odder... Sorry"

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance... Barista: Sir your Caffe Mocha is ready. Me: Oh ok nevermind."

"A guy walks into a bar Ouch."

"Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots."

"Women are too sensitive. My friend said she was having twins. All I said was at least you'll finally have 2 kids with the same father."

"What do you call a Mexican guy who's car always goes missing? Carlos."

"If you're having reception problems with your phone... Just shove an antenna up a girl's ass, then yell at her face. Then you will officially have a receptionIST!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"