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Joke of the Day

"I'm obsessed with power buttons They just turn me on."

"ME: i'd like to get rid of all this PERSONAL TRAINER: you're just making like one sweeping gesture around your entire body ME: and my head"

"Donald Trump We all need a good laugh in this day and age. Here's to you!"

"What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer"

"I poured my root beer... ... into a square cup, now I'm left with only beer."

"I've stopped trying to understand sandwiches with a third piece of bread in the middle."

"Count Dracula survived on the blood of 18 year old virgins for Millennia... He died last year."

"My wife's leaving me because I'm too arrogant. I told her to close the door on her way back in."

"My therapist said I need to find a new hobby. Besides pissing off therapists."

"Sometimes I say big words, even when i don't know what they mean They make me sound photosynthesis."