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Joke of the Day

"In light of Germany's discovery of ISIS using mustard gas: What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran."

"When I lose a follower, I like to pretend they were Taken, then I go to Europe and shoot absolutely everyone."

"My spirit animal just ran into a glass door."

"My husband and I are thinking about leaving everything to our dog. What he will do with $20.00 I don't know. But I hope he enjoys it."

"I'd make a political joke... But it's too soon, the DNC tried to force one on all of us and we saw how that went."

"Pizza is something you love for a half hour before you eat it... ...like a baby."

"Why couldn't the skeleton add 1 + 1? Because he doesn't have a brain"

"A Chinese kid was born before the due date..So his parents named him ""Sudden Lee!"""

"Abortion is an out of body experience for fetuses"

"How do you say nachos in English? Mine."