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Joke of the Day

"God to now go through your old tweets before making final decision on heaven."

"If you only see one movie this summer, maybe see more movies, they're great!"

"What's black, white and red, and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a spear through her head."

"I was absolutely fuming when I walked out of the art store earlier Bitch didn't have my Monet"

"An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job... No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high wanking officer"

"if you watch Titanic from d back; it's about dead people resurrecting from the sea, pulling up a ship fixing it and sailing to England"

"What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it be R... but a true pirate always favors the C."

"Teacher: You copies from Fred's exam paper didn't you? Pupil: How did you know? Teacher: Fred's paper says ""I don't know"" and you have put ""Me neither""!"

"I don't have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up."

"Waiter there is a fly in my soup ! Hold on sir I'll get the fly spray !"