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Joke of the Day

"You go in for an interview for a Linux programming job... ...and you are asked for an example of your linux programming abilities, so you type into the terminal ""sudo apt-get JOB"""

"Why did Kermit break up with Miss Piggy? He wasn't ready for a Kermitment."

"What do you call a pig with three eyes ? Piiig"

"Me: Can u send me those documents? Coworker: Yes, but u can actually get them by-- Me: Nope, don't try teaching me to fish. Not interested."

"What did Obama's dad say when his mom wanted anal? Well they don't call me ""Saddamy"" Hussein for nothing!"

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: No idea. I pretty much just zone out whenever I'm behind the wheel. Did anyone die?"

"My older sister constantly and incorrectly uses the word ""ironic"" to describe situations in her life. It's pretty ironic."

"Still complaining about the guy with a million followers taking credit for your tweets? Never had a boss have you?"

"You should never take what a sea monsters says seriously. They're always Kraken jokes."

"How many dead hookers do you need to replace a lightbulb? Atleast not three since my basement is still dark."