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Joke of the Day

"Why did Kermit break up with Miss Piggy? He wasn't ready for a Kermitment."

"Did you hear about the cow who gambled on an airplane? The steaks couldn't have been higher."

"A pickup line for people named Matt. ""Hey girl, you should sleep with me, my name's short for mattress."" (Just made it up today, please don't hate me.)"

"What was the demon arrested for? Possession."

"Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? 'Cause he wanted to git a long, little doggie."

"Are these my brains? A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet!' she replied!"

"I bought myself two eggplants and so far neither has laid a single egg."

"Why did the paralympic athlete loose the race? He didn't start off with the right foot. EDIT: Ortography"

"What did the midget say in the crowded elevator? You guys are a bunch of assholes."

"a misunderstanding teacher to class: can anyone use the word fascinate in a sentence? little johnny: my sister has ten buttons on her shirt but she can only fasten eight"