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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: No idea. I pretty much just zone out whenever I'm behind the wheel. Did anyone die?"

"One of my favorite things about kids is that you only have to feed them once a week"

"Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy After a while one elephant says to the other: ""I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"""

"According to the Bible, what's Noah's favorite fruit? Pears."

"Me: I got my YOLO tattoo covered up GF: Good. I told you it was just a stupid fad Me: I know GF: What'd you get? Me: *reveals Minion tattoo*"

"Bluegrass music It's finger pickin' good!"

"Never trust a man that says, ""Trust me."" and never trust a woman that says ""It's fine."""

"Who called them accountants and not sumbodies?"

"What symphony is a pedophiles favorite? Mozarts' Flute in A minor"

"WIFE:Someone's broken in ME *grabs baseball bat*Wait here [downstairs] PAL:Can't u just tell her u wanna play baseball M: Keep ur voice down"