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Joke of the Day

"Her: are you single? [flashback to 2011 where I tried to kiss a girl but she turned away and I kissed her cheek] Me: haha idk"

"My wife didn't finish her Morse code lessons before going sailing. She seems to alright though she keeps sending me messages to send her an SMS but I haven't got a reply yet."

"A preteen girl cried when I popped her cherry without permission. It was her fault for leaving fruit on the ground!"

"Girl Horribly Rejected https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=va9sVhWuAv8&feature=youtu.be"

"BREAKING: North Dakota lawmakers decide life begins at conception, and then begins again the moment you're old enough to leave North Dakota"

"Heads, you give me your phone number, tails you go on a date with me. *flips coin into ceiling fan, it's knocked out a window into the sea*"

"What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot"

"TIFU by sending nudes to everyone in my address book. Costed me a fortune in stamps."

"The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alma ! Alma who ? Alma-nack !"